The goal of a civil divorce whether through mediation or collaborative law is to employ an acceptable process for the purpose of ending an unacceptable relationship. Where there are children, a divorce marks the beginning of a new relationship established in order to meet the future needs of those children. Even with adult children, the divorced parents are expected to interact at major events such as weddings, holidays and religious celebrations. If a divorce is achieved with civility, these later events can transpire more comfortably. By adopting a positive approach to the divorce process and embracing a cloak of reasonableness, the results can be far reaching, dictating how otherwise warring parties will interact not only throughout the process but for many years to follow.
The by-product of a civilized divorce benefit all involved; the participants, their children, and the attorneys, delivering a better quality of life for all. .
No matter how you slice it, the process of divorcing is complicated. There simply is no easy answer or quick escape given that a marriage consists of a life merger between two individuals, in which unique histories and personalities are intertwined. For a marriage to work in the first place, parties must be able to successfully merge all of their “stuff” irrespective of what that may entail. Although there is always a tendency to point fingers at the commencement of a divorce action, I have found that there is usually sufficient blame to go around and that everyone, without fail, brings issues, problems, and hang-ups to the marital table. Divorce mediation in Massachusetts offers people the option of civility.
In fact, the key to a successful marriage is for the parties to have compatible neuroses. One’s flaws and foibles should be known far before the marriage occurs, perhaps by way of premarital counseling, allowing the parties to become genuinely familiar with one another. Such a proactive step would help avoid that sense disillusionment that commonly results when there are unattainable expectations based on a genuine lack of understanding. People need to be realistic. They need to identify the negative personality traits going in to the marriage and honestly reflect upon whether those traits are acceptable. The fact is that it is more intuitive for courting couples to focus on the positive traits and habits of their partners as they head down the aisle, choosing to ignore all of the less attractive and annoying bits and pieces. It could be argued, according to divorce statistics, that at least half of those entering a marriage are doing so without a sincere understanding of their future spouses; this of course leading to the disappointment and unhappiness that often precedes a divorce action.
The single greatest cause of divorce is incivility, which is the knee-jerk reaction to the unavoidable disappointment resulting from the lofty and unachievable expectations placed on a marriage. The cascade of uncivil, inappropriate behavior eventually becomes codified within the family interaction. One party’s discourtesy feeds off the other’s, the children mimic their parents, and bit by bit, everyone’s behavior disintegrates on a daily basis until the marriage is over and all involved have lost their way; small wonder that anyone could remain in such a state for very long. The reality is that many people consider marriage to be a license to behave badly. The fallout of this counterproductive communication and lack of consideration is that people are getting divorced at an alarmingly rapid rate, and many young couples understandably fail to see the merit of getting married at all, preferring to live together rather than committing to an institution noted for its tremendous rate of failure. While a failed marriage often marks one of life’s tragedies, Divorce Mediation in Massachusetts offers the option of not compounding that tragedy with a failed divorce, i.e. one that is protracted, bitter and acrimonious.
For more information regarding Massachusetts Divorce mediation, please visit Familylawmediationgroup.com